ONE FOR OLD TIME'S'ACHE.

SEARCHING FOR PEACE.

(++BONUS CONTENT INCLUDED) / UPON PURCHASE
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/ [-25 TRACKS TOTAL & 1 INSTRUMENTAL]
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I’ve made these songs over the course of the year, some spaced about, and some together, momentarily realizing what it was all about tords the end of accepting the full piece for what it is and finally deciding to release just it, raw & unchanged. As it is.

Like always, As an expression of the current occurences, lessons & experiences undergone- in most high hopes to simply shed light on a few things to get the closure i needed to wound-patch. But… Also to understand these things, find the forgiveness in me, heal from it, & share it as a strand of enlightenment and insight on the reactive mindset, to catch it in the act of impulsive reflection. To move past it all, with pride in full transparency.

So…
‘Searching for Peace’ turned out to be a concept for a song i made early 2023.
I assumed it was just a free-form easy song chorus that formed organically, while pertaining to the everyday struggles of life, & the mind or whatever’?. Normal bricks for a normal bridge.

I now realize more what the root base of my latest darknesses were and they had alot to do with (the cursid blessing of:) being a certain peculiar & genuine / over-caring type of person in a world so sick & misleadingly malicious it can corrupt even the kindest of souls into tragedys of all sorts, if they let it take them over that is. But there is always a choice to stay stuck or progress. Your choice.

its’ about fghting against letting my weaknesses teeter my inner-light too far astray. Trying to find my serenity again, in sollitude, so not to lose my true self in a destructive cycle of darkness and habitual fixes of poison potions or passively immutual associations amongst frequency dissonances- for cope-rope. Fighting to be loved instead of just being loving, perhaps. But… Nothing nor anyone is perfect. Sometimes the bad things just accumulate inside when you hold them in & can push you off the edge and you just don’t have the answers or sollutions for them. You try your best but its just never enough .

Over-shoved & just completely drained somewhere around this year from everything in general, something had just snapped in me and i just needed a break from the patterns i’ve put myself in to repair my previous self, all while realizing i was just masking my old pain with more (newer) pain. Lost alot of stuff that really meant alot to me this year, & although it hurt so much though it was really eye opening to get the knowledge needed to push on through the mud. If we have the power to control our realitys’ its imperative we take the necessary actions in order to really evolve as not just people but spirits as well. To cleanse & rebuild who we are in our hearts so our actions aren’t tainted by the dusts left behind on the surface.

We are all so full of scars we sometimes lose sight of who we are and turn psychologically twisted & warped out of our framework along our paths. Disregarding our own integritys’ in the process of hurting others around us who really actually care for us. We do stupid shit without thinking and end up losing the most sacred blessings that were once given to us as a gift of life, only to eventually screw it up, whether conscious, or. well, most likely just not. Kindness is usually stepped on & shamed. Tooken for granted, as a given, so to take. I’ve always seemed to get the wrong end of the stick for sticking out for the things i believe & have/ or had faith in. But that is not an excuse i realize to degrade my own character’s honor or allow it to cause bitterness whatsoever in the process of becomance.

Through my desperations of not being alone i have subconsciously driven people i loved farther and farther away from me. Any efforts in the end were always purposely leaving me to pick all the pieces up everytime, and doing so calmly while always biting my lip upon the injustices served as scars to the metaphysical mind’s ‘mortal flesh’. And becoming real caved in myself. & Lonelier. The world is just so lost right now and nothing feels right or the same as it once had. Lost in a sad circling cycle of obsession and force i had to step back for a little & decide where and what my real values were and had to let go and find the strength to realign with the inner-peace. (A finding of Light. & within)

Alot of beats i went for something classic, basic, and floaty. Twinkly, and trademark. Other parts more loose and carefree, unattempting to be punctual or perfect. I just wanted a safe place to let my feelings drift.
Although it has times it gets a little playful and wacky it is pretty contained and lucid. Or even still i would say, & relentlessly truthful. It is not hype or cool or top notch quality, or experimental, It is just flat and to the point of being. Its human.

Starting off grounded & natural, it also has its elements of fun in wonder and layout. other times either classically mellow or carelessly loose in its’ function, it primarily tries to touch on strong feelings and subject matters of the present time’s observations and studys. Instead of falling into too whiny or complainy on the things i cant control or fix though, It has a little bittersweet tendency to be stiff and vengeful in its approach lashing tords the betrayals and knifes i’ve been driven. A little spite here & there. & A little anger, lost in a clear ocean of factually driven inspiration, reminders & tributes. Suprised to now finally feel like im on the other side of the fire, instead of boiled alive inside it, anymore.

I was having trouble deciding on a few of these songs due to their unsettling aspects but i just ended up letting them be as a sign of the times and to stamp this as the last of my albums i’ll be giving in to trying to protect my own insecurities due to being mistreated, undermined, put down, abused, misread, judged, & gaslit so many times and just mentally fed the fuck up with everything that it was taking me somewhere i wasn't enjoying. I needed a moment of collect’ in order to gather where i stand and what is next on the path. To rekindle my love and cut off my dead weights to really fly free.

It doesnt feel like a project i really wanted to do or put out but it was just so how it went and it is what it is at the end of the day. Its settled for, & out with the old so the new road ahead can grow and take me upward. Hopefully i have grown from all this disassemblance and can come back some time in the future with a newfound desire and attent for the art i so love, live & have grown with, in an even more powerful respect & cherish. To give the world a much prettier painting of the world i exist to find purpose in. And share it proudly, instead of hesitantly.

These are just my interpretations of change and an attempt to display how the bad things have almost made me give up on myself and my mission in ways. To spread the peace. & not so much the other stuff that corrupts my message as an Artist. My only intention is to vent on this one and keep walking… To recuperate. & Find that Peace again, i once knew and have somehow forgotten. But i can now see the rainbow after the storm has cleared. and am ready to persist in my Voyage of not only still being the Dreamer i am, But to actually make things things a Reality now. & Stop wasting my time on things that aren’t of any more benefit to my mental health, or personal aspirations here on this planet.

It may actually even be the final key into the new Estranj, from the older one.
The one i quite possibly have left in here for good.

The last of my yesterdays.
&
A new Midnight’s Morning.

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THANK YOU.